Where My Heart is...

No matter how much we try to escape from challenges, what people so-called 'the storms of life', they still come, and many times, at the most untimely manner. Though they are unavoidable, they are necessary for our growth - for it is during these moments, we can come to understand more of ourselves, more of what we actually believe in and learn to trust in our Lord. I wrote a post on this subject last year, and you can read it here. This post, however, is not a repeat of that. Indeed, I aim to delve in a little deeper, into the core, into the heart of the very faith we have. 

Trials don't often pass us by like a gentle breeze. In fact, they are like hurricanes that come to not only destroy everything we can see with our eyes but also tear apart those unseen such that they seek to demolish the very seed of hope that is giving us the strength to carry on each day. With all their might, they will attempt to rip it out from our hearts until they succeed. Silly as it may be from the eyes of outsiders but we all know that when they come, they shake us to the nucleus of our soul, our faith and our existence. We then desperately cry out for help. Yet it is not to those around us but behind closed doors. We don't let the world see our pains, our sufferings - we keep them to ourselves because we want to have it all together. Day and night, we begged for something to change, to be different - a miracle even. We hoped that He could hear our despair, our wails of mercy. Many times, He seemed silent and distant as if we were forsaken. (And if you have ever felt this way, there is nothing to be ashamed of - when we look at the scriptures, we can see stories about people's struggles to hear from God.)

HOWEVER, we cannot stop there. We cannot give up and decide that our faith means nothing, just because it doesn't come at the time we needed the most. No, that should never be a choice we were to make. Why, you may ask. It certainly seems most illogical to continue to believe in what we believe in when it obviously has 'failed' us. As nonsensical as it might sound, we are to hold onto our faith tighter and stronger. Yes, I know you want to ask 'why' again. Oh, and how easy it would be for me to say 'because that's the way it is' or 'because God said so'... But, if I were tell you that, then it would be awfully silly of me, because I know for a fact that those answers neither help nor do they encourage us to keep pressing onward. 

What I want to tell you, though, is that we need to return to our first love. Yes, you read me right - I'm not asking you to go and recite the Nicene Creed or the systematic guidelines of what our belief ought to look like. That's right. I'm not suggesting any of that. Why? Because in those times, our knowledge, our theological thinkings somehow can do nothing to change our circumstances. In fact, they can make us feel more broken - we know what we are meant to believe in but we simply have no strength to go on any further, for we have tried very hard to hold on this whole time. Hence, this is why instead of searching our knowledge, we need to surrender and go to the part we call 'faith', which by definition is all about not knowing and not seeing and where nothing seems 'certain'. If we knew what would happen next, then it is by sight that we live this life.

"For we live by faith, not by sight."

                                                         2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV) 

Do you remember the day you fell in love with Christ? Do you know why you decided to give your life to Him? Can you recall that sensation of being touched by the Holy Spirit, something you have never felt before, something that changed you forever? Was it not like a dream, like you were floating on clouds? This is the place we need to go back to, where we remind ourselves why we have chosen this path of life. It isn't an easy process to go back to the day we chose our path, for it could make our decision feel like a 'curse' as those who have chosen a different path may seem to have easier lives. But we must force ourselves to go back to that moment... 

True love has no agenda, just like the way Jesus Christ chose to die for people. He did not expect all to choose Him as the way of life, but He made the decision to carry on. And when His time came, He said, 

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." 

                                                                    Luke 23:34 (NIV)

For us believers, we have seen/experienced the one who has shown the greatest love there can ever exist, then should we not live this example? He is the one who has taught us what love means. Love Him, not because we can gain or benefit from Him. Love because we have truly experienced the great love He has for us. In moments when we feel that He is absent, we must remind ourselves of this love we are so privileged to call our own and choose to love Him even when nothing makes sense around us. Trust Him, not because we want things from Him but because we know that in Him, we can experience the fullness of life as we live in Him and Him in us. We cannot leave Him simply because things were not working out for us, for it will not be true love if we do. And just so you know (if you don't already): He is always there despite our perceptions of His presence. (I'm aware words are just words when times are hard but I pray that we can all come in contact with what it means to live in faith, by faith and through faith and encounter the comfort of the Lord in times of need.)

May peace be with you.

**Feel free to leave comments below. Again, gremlins and trolls are not welcome, as they should not have escaped from fairytale books – I will have to speak to Gandalf on that matter if it were to arise. Happy reading!**