Be Silent

Things get complicated as we grow older. The perfectness we once held as children is no longer within our reach. It is easy for people to say, ‘it’ll pass,’ ‘it’s just now,’ ‘things will be different soon’, but what happens if this is something you’d have to live with for the rest of your life. You’re scared to get out the door or even talk to your friends because the thought of the certain circumstance brings you so much shame and hurt. There is this shadow that follows you, attempting to engulf you any moment it finds the opportunity. There’s no such thing as breakthrough, as things won’t change. And you wonder why. You cry and ask for help. Most of the time, you feel like you have lost your voice. The thing is everybody else is too busy in his or her own life to care about you. People may say nice words to console you, but once you go home, you’re once again taken by the shadows. Will people accept you, even with all the flaws and brokenness (not caused by you) in your life? You never felt more alone in your life. Well, if you can relate to what I described, then this post is for you. (And if not, this is, of course, also for you.)

Before we begin, there is one thing we need to establish first. And that is: You’re valuable; your life matters. It doesn't matter how dark things may get in your life, never ever think that ending it would make it easier to bear. Don’t let your hurts and fears consume you. If you were a storybook, then tell a story that encourages the next person who comes along to have the courage to live on. Be that inspiration. 

Then, how do we find release in this burden? My answer is simple: Jesus. I know it sounds awfully silly but that is my response. Through life so far, I have experienced things I pray that would never happen to any other person. Everyday I find it difficult to face the realities of my life (and for those who wonder, this has nothing to do with me pursuing a dream, which I would say is far inferior in comparison). So, in such situations, how ought we to cope? People's advices often lacked a personal touch. And what I'm about to say here could very well be the same, as no one person experiences the exact same emotions. But this is how I deal in such situations: be silent. 

Yes, that's right. Be silent. 

In our chaotic realities, we're too clutter to hear anything, not even the voice of God. Everything people say relating to faith makes us frustrated. We want to know what we have done wrong to deserve this. The thing is you probably did not do anything wrong. And it wasn't your fault that things happened or is happening. But still, you are inflicted with this unspeakable pain. The older I get, the more I realise some scars may never be healed. It's about learning to live with it. And it doesn't matter how angry we get or how much we shout, nothing is going to change. (Frankly, no one hears us either.) We're this muffled voice crying out in the storm. So, I say 'be silent'. Not in the way someone is telling us to 'shut up' because we had been annoying, but 'be silent' in the way that we allow ourselves to rest in the winds of life. And in that moment, take a step back and immerse ourselves in something else than our hurts. 

I'm sure many of you may have heard of the idea of 'going back to the Cross'. To me, it is far more than just leaving my burdens there. It is about seeing what Jesus actually did through different motions of life. The longer I sit beneath His feet, the more I realise the beauty in what he had done. What he did is not just for the past; it is for the now and the future. His love outpours from it. He understands. He feels the pain. Remember in Deuteronomy 21:23, where it talked about how the person who dies on a tree is cursed. Now, that was what Jesus was, cursed, when he died on the cross. He took upon himself all the curses the world could have and redeemed it so that we may be free. It sounds rather abstract. But the more you sit beneath his feet, the more you realise it isn't so. Just look at him, look at the way he suffered upon the cross. Whether you think what he did was silly or not, he did it whole-heartedly in hopes that he could save you and me. To me, that is love, like a mother who would rather sacrifice herself than let her child get hurt by barbarians. I have experienced God's love in an immense way that I can honestly tell you that He is the reason I wake up each day and keep pushing forward. It may be nonsense and unrealistic to many. But to me, it is truer than concrete. And I'm not going to sit here and not tell you about it, because I believe we all ought to know about this love that is waiting for us to discover. 

P.S. Have you read the poem I wrote last week? Most people say it's a love poem. And they are right to say so. But it is not in the way people perceive it. The 'I' in the poem describes God and the 'you' is you and me. Now, if you read it in that lens, do you see what I mean and how I feel? Imagine God taking you by the hand and you finding that peace in Him. It's serene. It's like floating amongst the clouds in the sky. It's surreal, but you can't deny it.