Only in Darkness

‘God, why?’ I ask.

There’s nothing but silence.

The outcry, the pain, the quiet shouts of help have nothing in return.

Faith sits on the rock and waves hit against it.

‘Fall… Fall…’ echoes ring.

‘No, hold on tight,’ a still voice whispers.

‘Give up! He ain’t gonna show.’

Doubt creeps in.

The noise grows louder and stronger.

Then all of the sudden, it grabs me violently by the collar,

and tosses me into the bottomless ocean.

I plunge, I fall, and I sink.

This struggle is meaningless.

There’s no way out.

Perhaps, this is how it ends.

I close my eyes and relax my body.

Water rushes into my mouth as I give the world my last breath.

‘Wake up, my child,’ a gentle touch awakens my soul.

The blissful sunshine warms my hardened heart.

Burden lifts, breaths return, a fresh new meaning settles underneath my skin.

                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                       -- Lisa T. Kuo

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It is inevitable for any person to face hardships in life. Not only that, it is beyond normal that a person struggles with faith during chaos. Doubts and uncertainty may seem weak and pitiful, but in truth, it is necessary, for without those struggles, we cannot learn to trust God nor could we understand the substance to our faith. When we have gone through a chaos, our faith solidifies – it becomes more real than abstract, a new level is added.

It is only in darkness, our character will build. It is only in moments where nothing makes any sense and the world is crumbling into pieces, we can learn to trust and lean on God. No one can see stars twinkle until the sky darkens. Likewise, people’s true characters cannot shine through nor can they develop until the whole world dims around them.

Is it okay to doubt? Of course! Is it okay to be uncertain? Of course! Is it okay to feel that God is absent? Of course, it is! Just read the psalms and you’ll see – the psalters had their moments.

Life is a journey. And no journey is without its twists and turns.

At one point along the path, you might feel your faith is ‘stronger’ or ‘makes more sense’ than others. That’s both okay and normal. If you look at the Bible – it isn’t just some ancient, long-forgotten texts; it is a collection of stories of faith people before us – it documents how people struggle, how people fall away and how people come to experience more of God. As we look at the lives of those before us, we cannot help but feel encouraged, for we are not the only ones to struggle; even the man of faith, Abraham, had trouble believing that his decedents would be as numerous as the stars in the sky and the sand on the beach – and just look at us today – we, people of faith, are all descendants of Abraham (Galatians 3:29) – see how many of us are out there!

It is never easy to hold onto a promise of God, especially when nothing is happening. And it’s okay if you start to doubt that you even heard from God – God isn’t going to strike you with lightning, but the thing is: don’t get so held up on it, don’t spend days thinking and reviewing what went wrong or what might have gone wrong, or otherwise your life will pause and stop, and everything will go pass you, and by the time, you finally feel awake, you wonder where everything has gone.

These moments, however, are perfect times to learn to trust God and love God unconditionally, the same way He loves us unconditionally. If we only believe so that we can gain something good, then that is neither faith nor is that love, for there is an agenda to it. Faith and true love show that no matter what happens in the end, you will still believe and still love – that is what it is all about – a genuine relationship. Like a marriage, through the good and the bad, through sickness and health, we ought to stay by God. (I’m not saying it is easy, because it isn’t, but it is definitely worth it!)

And to end this post, I'll leave you with this:

Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Matthew 7:13-14 (NIV)

Feel free to leave comments below. Again, gremlins and trolls are not welcome, as they should not have escaped from fairytale books – I will have to speak to Gandalf on that matter if it were to arise. Happy reading!